Ooh la la!

Gerbe, a French pantyhose-maker, has announced its latest line of men's tights and pantyhose. Can you think of anything less sexy than hairy legs encased in sheer nude nylon? (Well yes, I can, but I try not to mention baby poop more than once a month on this blog.) It's horrible enough when women do it, but then that is our sacred right, owing to some complex equation involving tradeoffs between the existence of Daisy razors and facial hair.

However, my objection to this product is more than just aesthetic: it had been my impression that the two best things about being a man were:

1. able to pee standing up
2. never have to wear nylons

Kindly, all the photos of male models sporting COLLANT MEN SATIN 20, as they are known, are shown without heads. This brought to mind photos in medical textbooks where the child with the suppurating rash has its head blacked out so that when she joins the Class of 2018 at McGill she won't be unpleasantly surprised in Anatomy 101. Gerbe may be cruel enough to inflict men's nylons on the world, but not so cruel that these men won't be able to kiss their grandmas with a clear conscience.